Believing Doesn't Make It So-Part 2

And so we eventually come to Part 2 of our piece on memes at a time when one of the more crap ones has got some of football's most respected commentators, no I'm sorry what i meant to say there was the extremely hirsute and slightly pointless Richard Keys and the totally fucking annoying Andy "we're all neutral but I have my head up Ferguson's arse and I really hate Liverpool but I am in no way a bitter blue" Gray have been canned for making sexist comments. Three quick points 1- Sian Massey wasn't crap and indeed only made one error which was a handball but I'm biased and the ref was Martin Atkinson who was just awful 2-even if she had been crap it would have been because she was a crap lino who was a woman NOT because she was a woman 3- a lot of women (and men) don't know about football and are quite happy in that ignorance and belittle those of us who do, criticising such women would not be sexist. Criticising a female lino or ref or chief executive simply because you assume that ALL women are ignorant, wilfully or not, is braindead in the extreme. The teams we've trained were all girls teams they contained national reps, regional players, FAI cup winners  and NCAA ranked players from the US and at no point did their femaleness ever come into question, well maybe there is one thing as its very hard to find a decent woman keeper in any women's sport with the good ones standing out by a mile. And to be honest, we have no idea how the offside rule works anymore so Sian Massey's decision should be praised as a correct if difficult call for a lino- and conversely if she had fucked up its because she failed in this regard- irrespective of whether or not she is in fact a she. BUT neither should she be exempt from criticism because she is well as we have pointed out a she. Either way Andy Gray is a tit.

Anyway, rather perversely here's no 4

4 - Referees Deserve Respect

There is a clarification we feel is important to point out before we start which is that we do NOT believe that referees shouldn't be treated with respect but we wish to point out that our mater, a woman with a passing interest in sport unless she's at a match at which point she becomes a dervish of invective, always brought us up to believe that respect has to be earned. Like all earnings therefore, it can be affected by such things has cuts from outside and non attendance at work and can also be increased by being bloody good at what you're supposed to do. Thus, respect only can be said to be automatic because one has shown through previous performance that one is good at one's work and has built up a reputation as such NOT because one happens to do what one does. It's sort of the complete opposite of politics

In this context, to be a respected ref, make as many decisions correctly as possible, explain why you made them don't be a dick and don't assume that every player will tug the forelock and twist their flat cap coz of trouble 't mill. To presume that all players can and will respect you just because you are the short fat old bloke(or blokette) in the black can only lead to an inevitable breakdown in the game because then it is that respect and ultimately the authority which should , in theory at least, lead to respect rather than the other way round, collapses with inevitable consequences. Not that we advocate for no respect for refs; we have seen all too often in Gaah, what happens when no-one respects a ref and it never ends well for the man in black. To tell people that they must respect the referee and that respect is deserved automatically undermines any ref that makes any decision which is felt by one side or the other or any individual player is unfair. Some would point to the difference between footie and egg chasing in this regard. apparently not questioning decisions and accepting them is a sign of respect but one no-one ever asks is why is respect a one way street. In the last round of the Heineken cup a player was sent off for what was called a spear tackle but wasn't while a guy stood on another lads head and was given the rugby equivalent of a time out on the naughty step. There is no consistency and if a ref appears to be playing by his own rules, then retribution will be sought and respect lost.
The right way to go is force players to respect the ref but to preach acceptance of their decisions. The authorities need to accept that players and management teams will never agree with every decision the officials. By insisting on respect from the outset they can only erode that respect but if they were honest to accept the reality of football and focused on the kids and making them aware of it being okay to disagree with a ref but not to deck him, and also allowed refs the time to explain their decisions-which is another problem with automatic respect in that its lets refs off the hook as any questioning of a decision is in essence dissent- then respect is earned, grown and solidified rather than as it is now, lost, reduced and eroded.

5- The Premiership is Poorer This Season

If you people want to make a comparison, it would be advisable not to say something is worse if you cant say what exactly was better. So when was the premier league better? Last season? Clearly not, because the same players are almost to a man-Mascherano is the only real departure- still there and teams like Hull are gone. Hull simply cannot be better then the teams that replaced them. Remember this was a team who needing a win on the final day met a scum B team full of kids and not only lost but were outclassed yet they still stayed up because there were three teams even shitter than them.The season before that the league contained Derby who finished on 11 points and with a goal difference of -69; before that Sunderland 15 & -43. So for this to be a shit season it would have to be worse than at least one of these seasons. of course it could be that the pundits on boards might be referring to some golden age of pre-premiership football when every team was capable of challenging and beating everyone else-which raises an inherent contradiction which we will address anon- but absence makes the heart grow fonder and time makes glasses more rose tinted. While the premier league has had problems with uncompetitive teams- the narrowest gap between top and bottom since its foundation is 41 points and its never been less than 54 since the turn of the millennium- it should be remembered that the last time Blackpool were in the top flight they won four games and that was in 1970 and if three points were awarded at the time the gap would have been 67 points between them and  winners Arsenal. Taking a random year in 78-79, Chelsea finished bottom having won 5 games and with a GD of -48. In another definitely not randomly chosen season 73-74 Leeds were champs on 62 and Norwich bottom on 29 with the Scum 2nd bottom on 32. Had the three points system been in place the gap between 1st and 21st  would have 42 points and united would have been further adrift of the teams ahead of them. What has been lost is that the two point system implies a competitiveness that simply wasn't there-interesting to not Liverpool finished 2nd having only 4 away wins that season. Teams that finish at the bottom are always likely to be bad teams, if they weren't they wouldn't be in the bottom three but as of this date 19/02/11 Wolves are bottom 33 points behind the leaders but have 7 wins. The ability to beat any team on any given day should be seen as a sign that the overall level of the league is quite high yet for some perverse reason competitiveness is viewed by football troglodytes as some sign of weakness in the competition. Clearly if the top teams are being beaten by lesser teams then they and by implication the league must be shit.

It may well be that this is not the best scum team ever-to us best scum team ranks with most pleasant serial killer as most unpleasant comparison- but they have only lost to Wolves in the league and frankly if our team played shit and only lost one game and were top by four with 11 games to go we would not of a shit, giving. Chelski were always likely to fade through ageing and have unsettled their side through panic buying - it wouldn't be the first time that remoulding a team mid season to accommodate a striker has backfired- and the Arse and Manc Blues are beholden to the contrasting whims of their managers and Spurs are very over rated and not great without Van Der Vaart, probably signing of the season. But its being harsh to every other club to assume that the because the top teams have struggled the league is shit. Is it not more likely the case that because the league isn't shit the top teams have struggled. All of the bottom three have beaten teams in the top four but instead of celebrating this naysayers impersonate Frazier from Dads Army with dire forebodings  of imminent ruin.The EPL isn't dying, it may even be in ruder health than its credit

Believing Doesn't Make It So-Part 1

So that's the mid season break over with and we have recovered our raison d'etre. Now, we could and probably will end up discussing the Scouse issue soon but as it is a new year, resolutions are in the air and we have decided that one of ours for MMX I (naturally followed by MMX II -Into The East) is to bust some conventions, investigate some standard cliches and basically smack memes across the head going shut up you fecker. So to begin and go forward, we will go backwards.

I - English  Football Needs a Winter Break

We have been vocal about football in winter but there are three simple points that have to be proven before we can begin to contemplate such a proposal, namely a-that the cold weather only affects matches in a period between December and early February; b- that the knock-on effect of moving matches either to earlier or later will not impact on either player welfare especially in a tournament year and c-given that, that the time off will allow players to rest, recuperate physically and mentally and that all clubs will restrict themselves to light training. Some Hope.

2- Football Should Look To Rugby To Improve The Game

Rugby is a game that is great to watch, fun to play but populated by the type of smug cunt that make life completely insufferable. And Rugby is a game in denial. It has convinced itself that it has evolved from its upper and middle class origins through amateurism- of course only people with enough money to be amateur actually are amateur- into a popular world game with both a vibrant upper game and massive grassroots development- Utter Bullshit. (There is little chance of an upset in their WC and where is Black Africa or Central and Med Europe)

But that doesn't stop 'pundits' from pointing footie towards things in the other game which they claim would be of benefit to the round ball game and in doing so palpably fail to understand either game. so lets take one at random and just thrash it with no regards to his feelings- a bit like rugby players  do to each other ears.

In a column on Helium Simon Wright - http://www.helium.com/items/940069-what-soccer-can-learn-from-rugby- gives five things that footie could learn from egg chasing. One we can rid of straightaway; treating players on the pitch while play goes on is a fucking joke-its dangerous to the injured player and the medical staff and play should be stopped if the injured player is close to the ball. As for integrating fans, is that not as much a problem of the authorities ie. the fa, police etc exacerbating a problem by assuming the worst? There are fucktards in football who use tribalism as an excuse for violence, racism, gay bashing etc but at least football knows they exist. Rugby acts as if everyone is swilling pints and singing songs with each other and regarding the rugby as a bizarre form of dating agency rather than accept that it has its fair share of fucktards as well.(compare and contrast the Cantona and Brennan crowd interventions which also highlights the hypocrisy of violence within the game) Just because they're middle class and don't talk about it doesn't mean it isn't there.
Miking up refs has happened and we have never quite understood what difference it makes. maybe if refs were allowed or expected to explain their decisions after the game it might soothe the hostile beast but miking refs seems likely to lead to letters from Angry of Clondalkin.

We will deal with the issue of respecting refs later and so we turn to video technology. There is a facetious argument that football needs controversy - it may have it and get it but we are not sure it needs it- against technology which is counterpointed with the argument that in rugby they have used technology to remove doubt and allow for legitimate scores to be given if the ref is unsure (and illegitimate ones to be disallowed). This can only be put forward by two types of people; the blind and those who cant see.
What those who advocate video technology seem to forget is that there are major differences between the sports that use it and footie and that there are major flaws in the system but rather than have a reasoned debate about it they simply decide that FIFA is behind the times- maybe they are but their reluctance to introduce it may be down they have seen in action in other sports and haven't been impressed.

Having watched enough rugger and rug'be leeg to almost consider them sports worth watching instead of football rather than when there's no football on, we have come to the conclusion that video refs far from aiding refs has caused a bottling of decisions. Rather than use it to only check on groundings or if a player has clipped a touchline, the refs ask their mate in the van if there is a reason why they CAN'T award the try- look pal if you think its a try give the fucking try and have a bit of faith in your self. The video refs also don't have a remit to look at - or at least seem to act as if its the case- anything that they are not asked by the ref to rule on directly. ( this is definitely the case in RLRL which says that if the man in the van isn't sure it goes back to the ref for a final decision which means the ref is probably right. If the ref is probably right why bother with the video in the first place especially when it can't be used for controversial decision which don't end in scores. To assume that these are the only decisions which affect games is wrong so either use it for everything or nothing. And then three's the huge difference between the games, the natural break. If a try is scored there is a break as there is in football but if a goal isn't given then its play on unless there is a free kick, goal kick or throw but there is no guarantee  whereas in rugby there is a natural break even if a try isn't given so not only would they introduce video tech but they would introduce unnatural breaks in play. Of course they say wait til a break in play but what if there is a yellow card or red card incident or heaven forbid the other team scores. If the refs wrong in not allowing the goal then all that play becomes null and void which would go down like a bag of spuds. And again would be for goals only or for other incidents? If you want to look at goal line technology from other sports, why not see if the way an ice hockey pick causes a light and siren to go off is viable in a football. Football doesn't need to catch up with other sports on this issue, advocates of the position need to watch the other sports.

3 - Decisions Even Themselves Out Over  A Season

Crap Decisions drive people mad but nothing drives us madder than being patronised by smug middle aged men on couches and there is no more patronising statement then that over the course of the season decisions even themselves over the course of a season. 

For a start where this notion that there is a Blind Io style God of  footballing justice carefully and neutrally balancing the scales of footie has come from is beyond us as if such a personification does exist then they've been making a complete balls of it for years. It is more likely that the sporting Gods are a bunch of Lokis deriving merriment from the cock-ups that befall the unfortunate mortal on the pitch. If this ying and yang universe in balance does apply then Leeds would have won the title due to an offside decision in their favour;Clive Allen would have been credited with a great goal that didnt go in; Brazil would win a WC game due to an early blown full time whistle; United would have a bad decision not go in their favour; Liverpool would win a game through the intervention of a beach ball or England lose a world cup final due to a bad linesman. The only way we will begin to be less doubtful about this is if Gary Neville is sent off getting off the bus.

Part 2 will appear soon-but given that it took us 6 days to finish this dont hold your breath

Its beginning to look a lot like the day after christmas

Guess what? Apparently in the winter time it gets cold and the rain turns to snow. Meteorology is so hard to predict, next they'll say its hotter in June than January - tis a conspiracy, i tell ye. Anyway, as a racing and footie fan, the weather has certainly put the skids under my armchair viewing and at the time of writing, my st Stephen's, which to be fair was looking shite, appears at best reduced and at worst decimated  by the weather.Now there is bog all that the horse tracks can do due to the logistics of defrosting a small farm but the footie needs to stop being pussies and start playing football.

The problem with the spate of postponements last week was that in the majority of cases there was either no reason given for the postponements or they used the new catch all of areas outside the ground being unsafe. Much as we wish clubs would tell the public to go fuck themselves- we will have to deal with this real bugbear of ours at some stage- its understandable that clubs dont want people slipping in the car park or having their arse stuck to the seats but as it actually occurred to anybody that fans really dont mind a little hardship- jesus if we did we'd all play canasta instead- as long as it's done with the best intentions. I would never yearn for a total pre-Hillsborough environment but it can go too far the other way as fans can get equally frustrated when being treated like a bunch of three-year-olds who need to be protected from everything in case they hurt themselves. What also makes last weeks situation bizarre are the games lower down the ladder that did get played. Seven games were played the championship, admittedly none further south than Coventry and one in League One at Exeter. What is of much more importance is who played where-QPR went to Leeds -175 miles; Bristol City went to Hull 183 miles; Swansea to Sheffield 160 miles and more importantly Sheffield Wednesday went to Exeter a distance of 202 miles-hells fuckin bells ICT went to Hearts 124 miles in Scotland. So why could these games go ahead when premiership games were called off- http://www.the90thminute.com/soccer/2010/12/all-epl-matches-on-sunday-december-19-2010-postponed-due-to-weather/ gives the reasons why sundays games were called off:  west bromwich to wolverhampton 7 miles- and the answer is we have no fucking idea

Of the games postponed only Arsenal indicated any sense that the state of the pitch was the primary reason for the game being called off. Even Blackpool, who dont have undersoil heating which we were under the impression was a pre-requisite for entry to the EPL, were more concerned about the state of the outside rather than the inside. The powers that be are clearly fearful in this litigious age to allow a large amounts of the public to descend on a particular area of a town or city in case there may be an accident-if it's to watch football. Surely, if it's too dangerous for thousands of people to attend a stadium, it must therefore be dangerous for any large group of people to gather anywhere in such conditions, like the shops or bus and rail stations or office complexes or rugby matches or football matches in Leeds or Exeter. While we believe that fans are allowed to be hypocrites and get away with murder, we also accept that fans are prepared to crawl over glass for their teams. It may be the most offensive thing to ever see but if fat geordies want to watch a match topless in a fridge and if the players are in no immediate danger, then play the fucking game. A lot of morons follow football but they are still the minority and no-one should assume that if the game goes ahead that fans will run headless to the ground without due care and attention. Some might even think it's bit nippy, the roads are lethal and ye know what i might listen to it on the radio. There was a lad on from Dundee who said that they had to pay out full match day costs even if the game is called off as was in their case due to a frozen pitch-so if the pitch isn't frozen what is the justification for calling off the game. we can but speculate $$$

The thing that we cannot grasp is literally at what point does responsibility for accidents in transit move from the traveller to the destination. Surely, its not the clubs fault if the local authority fails in its duties in making roads passable. By taking the decision to call off games more than 24 hours before kickoff, clubs let councils off the hook to a certain degree as they are not under as much pressure to get things done and its not as if the council rush to clear pathways because they are not going to be used. but its not as simple to say that councils dont want to be liable and thus health and safety goes into overdrive because then we would see the high streets closed. No, we feel that it reduces the options for clubs who want to get as many bums on seats as possible. If councils cant get their arses in gear to get roads gritted and pathways cleared then clubs would rather cancel and rearrange for a day when crowds can be got there in numbers rather than play in front of half empty stadiaEPL team following the example of Edinburgh Rugby who played their Heineken Cup tie a day later than planned in an empty stadium. The clubs need the crowds to get the money to play the players but without the players the crowds don't show up. Clubs cant bitch about having to play 4 games in 10 days in this period when they postpone games that could be played for reasons other than the safety of the pitch which then get rearranged at times when competitions are reaching their climax- a massive reason for not having a winter break. If you can play the game do- fans will make to games if they can and follow it on the media if they cant. If they slip and fall outside a ground in the summer or spring, in the dry they are more likely to sue than right now because bizarrely most people know that snow and ice are slippy and are prepared for it. Treat fans like adults and they'll act responsibly especially the kids. 

TWTWTW- Chickens Fry Fat Man

So how was it for ye in the football world. This week started and ended with the tradition poultry backlash against overweight Englishmen and the fallout. So fat Sam follows honest Chris in being forced out after a less than stellar performance in the midday game on sky- please let it happen again with DelBoy Redknapp- and all hell breaks out. For the LMA it was an outrage that these foreigners came in and got rid of a honest salt of the earth manager who could be England's next chief. Sky rolled out its expert Tony Gale-clubs managed none- in saying they hadnt a clue about good English football and now Graham Taylor is boycotting poultry in protest. First of all Graham-contributions to the beautiful game, John Barnes by accident; the same as his contributions to Italian social anarchy- if you are as much of a patriot as you claim, boycott Venkys and buy Bernard Matthews - claim it to be in memoriam- and secondly having heard the interview with the lovely lady from India's leading experts in Calcutta Fried Chicken, it would appear that they kinda prefer a tikki-takka style to a Peter Kay have it aerial bombardment and anyway its not as if Blackburn have been any good at it recently. They lost on Sunday to Bolton who while keeping a core of Fat Sam's team have moved to a more passing style-anyone who's seen the recent goals by Elmander and especially Mark Davies will say that they are pleasing on the eye under Owen Coyle- and yet even managed to outdo BB when it came to a route one goal. Thus, as a something to have i your arsenal route one is perfectly fine but when it's all you've got, ultimately it's limited and as a long term practice, Venkys were well within their rights to question whether or not it was a long term solution.
So lets take a look at fat Sam's record and its not as good as he would let you believe. he's won titles in 1992  with Limerick FC and Notts County and got promotion with Bolton but what is left out is that he appears to be far from having a natural home at real Madrid or inter more capable in the lower levels of the English game where his no-nonsense rough and tumble style is much more effective. When given the reins at Newkie, he failed by having no concept of having to build a squad with players not trying to rehabilitate themselves, a support who are too cold to want to watch volleyball and a tradition that was based on goals AND entertainment. Indeed, looking back at Bolton, its as if this season having a manger who believes in a passing  game and in their ability to play it, some of the team have seemed rejuvenated free of the shackles of the Fat Sam Philosophy ie Elmander and K Davies.
Ultimately, though the issue is whether an owner can pick their manager. The LMA can bitch and moan but as Ashley proved the previous week, they have bog all say in the matter and unlike Ashley, Venky's argument that they dont like Fat Sam- no, i dont like the fuck even before it took him a week and a prod from Ginsoak to get upset over nothing- style and dont want their team to play that way anymore

Briefly, so tevez wants out. Better people than me report that he's really just a favela boy who misses his girls so it's probably true but it may well be that this about Kia Jorobcian falling out with Man City: The Scum bet the Arse but neither looked great but at least you know united will try to shoot at the end of a move: The Wenger Boy's get a lesson in the craft as Barce will show them how it should be done and the door; last week marcotti and cascarino said on ITV that Milan were out of form; 9 points clear at the top of serie a and facing Delboys Spurs hopefully smugness will be wiped off their faces.

Here are a few good links

Daniel Taylor explains the fallings-out at Cieth
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2010/dec/15/carlos-tevez-row-manchester-city

Further to our rant about offside screwing defenders, a fantastic article on how to really screw them
http://www.zonalmarking.net/2010/12/15/offside-goal/#more-5401

A brief summary of the troubles facing galway football

http://www.wsc.co.uk/content/view/6141/38/

5 simple rules for dating my game

Right where do we begin? It's the first posting of a new blog but one upon which I can write and which is always going to throw up reasons to argue. Good honest debate is always good and we aim to provide enough scope for reasoned debate- who the fuck are we kidding, when it comes to football reasoned debate is bollox, it's all about the passion and there are no neutrals, anyone who says that they are is missing the point.
anyway we'll start with 5 simple changes to the game which we believe would make it a better game for all. These are not massive reconstruction of the soul things just basic shit that would save frustration, anger and the sensibilities of referees mothers so here goes

1-If He's Not Interfering With Play Why Is He On The Pitch? 

The current offside rule takes the piss. It comes down to the notion of interfering with play and those in favour of it always go on about the benefit of the doubt being given to the attacker. What that means in reality is that if a defender does what he's supposed to and a forward doesnt but he doesnt touch the ball, fuck the defender. As a defender i find that shit and as a coach i find that infuriating because it assumes that a forward can only interfere if he is directly involved in play. This in it's simplest form means that if a player is offside on the left wing but the move happens on the right no offside irrespective of how far ahead of play he is. And that takes the piss because it has an inherrent hypocrisy built into it. Should it be a defender that is that far out of position on the other side of the pitch, then he plays everyone onside, which is the ultimate definition of interfering with play.
To keep the rule has it is implies that defenders must only regard what is in front of them but if the line pushes up to take into account a straying forward, why punish them for what is good defensive play and reward a mistake by the attacking team? Therefore remove the interfering with play and simply say if you're ahead of the last defender it's offside irrespective of where you are on the pitch. It wont end mistakes but it should reward good defence.

2- It's A Game Played With The Feet

During the Arse/Scum game, there was a penalty that Shrek blazed over the bar which in and of itself is mildly amusing but the penalty raised the issue of handball. Now from this perspective, it appeared as if Clichy slipped and nani hit the ball off his hand, certainly not scooping it as the lino indicated. Now depending on which pair of lenses one is wearing, it was either a fair call or a bloody appaling decision. For us it seemed harsh given some calls which have not been called but it did hit the defenders arm and thus by the letter of the law it's a penalty. The problem is tha the law itself has stabbed itself in the foot by introducing an element of doubt into the equation. It really shouldnt matter if it's ball to hand or not. It should always be the way that if the ball strikes the hand so that the ball deviates in its path, then its handball. The deliberate nature of the act should only be taken into account when deciding the fate of the perpetrator.

3- Its All A Waste Of Time

In all the furoré over Real Madrid's deliberate booking scam in the CL, what was lost was that both second bookings were for time wasting. Now in this extreme case two players were sent off but in the normal runof events, what benefit arises for the non-offending team from penalising time wasting? if anything the process of booking a player wastes more time and allows the offending team to keep the ball. So why not give an indirect freekick as well as booking the player. It would certainly speed up kickouts and throw-ins but unfortunatly wouldnt get rid of the standing by the cornerflag but one thing at a time

4 - You Cant Run Through The Guy

Although we believe that good defence is an integral to team as great attack, wea renot blind to commona failings amongst defenders such as shirt pulling and grabbing and pushing in the box but we feel these remain unpunished due to bollocklessness by refs rather than non-existent rules. However, one thing that we admit to doing ourselves which we would love to see go is the notion that if a defender makes himself big he can prevent an attacker getting to a ball heading to the endline by simply existing. Bull. Shielding the ball involves fooling an opponent by distracting them from the run of the ball not doing an impression of the Spartans at Thermopylae. It's obstruction and should be an indirect freekick as much for lack of bloody invention as anything else


5- Fall for One and All for None

According to FIFA a topless man inflames a crowd-not untrue but out of context. Likewise jumping into your own fans inflames the crowd notwithstanding the idea that very few fans get upset if their teams score and the very act of scoring in itself inflames opposing fans and despite Jonathan Wilson's thesis, FIFA wont ban goals, yet. But fans often chant 'same old "insert geographical euphemism" always cheating' and one of the reasons is diving. Now, whilst it may be the case that it is individual players who have these inner ear problems, it is perceived as a collective ailment and thus maybe the way to prevent it is to import the notion - and we generally loathe the importation of ideas from other sports and will explain why in a later post- of the team foul in that after a player has been booked for diving that the next player from the same team penalised for diving should get a red card. it would certainly cut it down if not out

Anyway thats a few suggestions, whether they're viable or enforcable is another story but lets see