Believing Doesn't Make It So-Part 2

And so we eventually come to Part 2 of our piece on memes at a time when one of the more crap ones has got some of football's most respected commentators, no I'm sorry what i meant to say there was the extremely hirsute and slightly pointless Richard Keys and the totally fucking annoying Andy "we're all neutral but I have my head up Ferguson's arse and I really hate Liverpool but I am in no way a bitter blue" Gray have been canned for making sexist comments. Three quick points 1- Sian Massey wasn't crap and indeed only made one error which was a handball but I'm biased and the ref was Martin Atkinson who was just awful 2-even if she had been crap it would have been because she was a crap lino who was a woman NOT because she was a woman 3- a lot of women (and men) don't know about football and are quite happy in that ignorance and belittle those of us who do, criticising such women would not be sexist. Criticising a female lino or ref or chief executive simply because you assume that ALL women are ignorant, wilfully or not, is braindead in the extreme. The teams we've trained were all girls teams they contained national reps, regional players, FAI cup winners  and NCAA ranked players from the US and at no point did their femaleness ever come into question, well maybe there is one thing as its very hard to find a decent woman keeper in any women's sport with the good ones standing out by a mile. And to be honest, we have no idea how the offside rule works anymore so Sian Massey's decision should be praised as a correct if difficult call for a lino- and conversely if she had fucked up its because she failed in this regard- irrespective of whether or not she is in fact a she. BUT neither should she be exempt from criticism because she is well as we have pointed out a she. Either way Andy Gray is a tit.

Anyway, rather perversely here's no 4

4 - Referees Deserve Respect

There is a clarification we feel is important to point out before we start which is that we do NOT believe that referees shouldn't be treated with respect but we wish to point out that our mater, a woman with a passing interest in sport unless she's at a match at which point she becomes a dervish of invective, always brought us up to believe that respect has to be earned. Like all earnings therefore, it can be affected by such things has cuts from outside and non attendance at work and can also be increased by being bloody good at what you're supposed to do. Thus, respect only can be said to be automatic because one has shown through previous performance that one is good at one's work and has built up a reputation as such NOT because one happens to do what one does. It's sort of the complete opposite of politics

In this context, to be a respected ref, make as many decisions correctly as possible, explain why you made them don't be a dick and don't assume that every player will tug the forelock and twist their flat cap coz of trouble 't mill. To presume that all players can and will respect you just because you are the short fat old bloke(or blokette) in the black can only lead to an inevitable breakdown in the game because then it is that respect and ultimately the authority which should , in theory at least, lead to respect rather than the other way round, collapses with inevitable consequences. Not that we advocate for no respect for refs; we have seen all too often in Gaah, what happens when no-one respects a ref and it never ends well for the man in black. To tell people that they must respect the referee and that respect is deserved automatically undermines any ref that makes any decision which is felt by one side or the other or any individual player is unfair. Some would point to the difference between footie and egg chasing in this regard. apparently not questioning decisions and accepting them is a sign of respect but one no-one ever asks is why is respect a one way street. In the last round of the Heineken cup a player was sent off for what was called a spear tackle but wasn't while a guy stood on another lads head and was given the rugby equivalent of a time out on the naughty step. There is no consistency and if a ref appears to be playing by his own rules, then retribution will be sought and respect lost.
The right way to go is force players to respect the ref but to preach acceptance of their decisions. The authorities need to accept that players and management teams will never agree with every decision the officials. By insisting on respect from the outset they can only erode that respect but if they were honest to accept the reality of football and focused on the kids and making them aware of it being okay to disagree with a ref but not to deck him, and also allowed refs the time to explain their decisions-which is another problem with automatic respect in that its lets refs off the hook as any questioning of a decision is in essence dissent- then respect is earned, grown and solidified rather than as it is now, lost, reduced and eroded.

5- The Premiership is Poorer This Season

If you people want to make a comparison, it would be advisable not to say something is worse if you cant say what exactly was better. So when was the premier league better? Last season? Clearly not, because the same players are almost to a man-Mascherano is the only real departure- still there and teams like Hull are gone. Hull simply cannot be better then the teams that replaced them. Remember this was a team who needing a win on the final day met a scum B team full of kids and not only lost but were outclassed yet they still stayed up because there were three teams even shitter than them.The season before that the league contained Derby who finished on 11 points and with a goal difference of -69; before that Sunderland 15 & -43. So for this to be a shit season it would have to be worse than at least one of these seasons. of course it could be that the pundits on boards might be referring to some golden age of pre-premiership football when every team was capable of challenging and beating everyone else-which raises an inherent contradiction which we will address anon- but absence makes the heart grow fonder and time makes glasses more rose tinted. While the premier league has had problems with uncompetitive teams- the narrowest gap between top and bottom since its foundation is 41 points and its never been less than 54 since the turn of the millennium- it should be remembered that the last time Blackpool were in the top flight they won four games and that was in 1970 and if three points were awarded at the time the gap would have been 67 points between them and  winners Arsenal. Taking a random year in 78-79, Chelsea finished bottom having won 5 games and with a GD of -48. In another definitely not randomly chosen season 73-74 Leeds were champs on 62 and Norwich bottom on 29 with the Scum 2nd bottom on 32. Had the three points system been in place the gap between 1st and 21st  would have 42 points and united would have been further adrift of the teams ahead of them. What has been lost is that the two point system implies a competitiveness that simply wasn't there-interesting to not Liverpool finished 2nd having only 4 away wins that season. Teams that finish at the bottom are always likely to be bad teams, if they weren't they wouldn't be in the bottom three but as of this date 19/02/11 Wolves are bottom 33 points behind the leaders but have 7 wins. The ability to beat any team on any given day should be seen as a sign that the overall level of the league is quite high yet for some perverse reason competitiveness is viewed by football troglodytes as some sign of weakness in the competition. Clearly if the top teams are being beaten by lesser teams then they and by implication the league must be shit.

It may well be that this is not the best scum team ever-to us best scum team ranks with most pleasant serial killer as most unpleasant comparison- but they have only lost to Wolves in the league and frankly if our team played shit and only lost one game and were top by four with 11 games to go we would not of a shit, giving. Chelski were always likely to fade through ageing and have unsettled their side through panic buying - it wouldn't be the first time that remoulding a team mid season to accommodate a striker has backfired- and the Arse and Manc Blues are beholden to the contrasting whims of their managers and Spurs are very over rated and not great without Van Der Vaart, probably signing of the season. But its being harsh to every other club to assume that the because the top teams have struggled the league is shit. Is it not more likely the case that because the league isn't shit the top teams have struggled. All of the bottom three have beaten teams in the top four but instead of celebrating this naysayers impersonate Frazier from Dads Army with dire forebodings  of imminent ruin.The EPL isn't dying, it may even be in ruder health than its credit